


wholly to be a fool

by bigfootsflannel



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Fluff, It's Soft, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, drunk ben solo, or should i say "solemates", they're soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-10-21 15:24:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20695760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigfootsflannel/pseuds/bigfootsflannel
Summary: Ben Solo. Of all people, Ben Solo was her soulmate, and she just had to find out because he had drunkenly professed his love for her, in the middle of the night. Her life was truly some kind of joke.





	1. a better fate than wisdom

**Author's Note:**

> From @reylo_prompts on Twitter: "Soulmate AU: The words on your skin are the first time your soulmate confesses their feelings. Rey gets hers at 3 AM on a Monday morning, when drunk Ben tells her he really loves her because she stops him from putting his shoes on the wrong feet.”
> 
> I intended for this to be a oneshot but I decided to make a two-parter. If this feels rushed, it's because maybe it kinda is, I wrote this on a terrible impulse :)

Rey would never admit to it, but more than anything else in the world, she wanted to meet her soulmate.

She felt childish for it, knowing that it was mostly a fantasy - a lot of people would never end up meeting their soulmates, getting in too deep with other people and deciding to give up on finding  _ the one _ when they found out their current partner was not actually their other half - but she wanted it. She needed to know that there was someone in the world who was made for her, someone who wouldn’t change their mind on her and disappear.

She wasn’t going to be crazy about it, like she knew that some people were. When your soulmark only appeared when your soulmate confessed their love to you, it led to a certain amount of desperation and speed dating-esque events where people would just go around blurting out their affections to people they had met just seconds prior, just in case. She wasn’t about to do that - no, she wanted it to be genuine, and not manufactured. After all, a lot of people claimed that it wouldn’t even work if you just started screaming it on the streets - the feelings had to be real, they said.

Rey didn’t know whether or not she believed that it  _ had _ to be heartfelt, but she wanted it anyway. So, she dated. She refused anything casual - even if casual could lead to feelings which could lead to meeting her soulmate, she liked to think that the person who was made for her would also be interested in the same sort of relationship that she would be.

First came Finn. Finn, who was very sweet and was essentially the epitome of the perfect first boyfriend. And for a while, she had hoped beyond all hope that he would be her soulmate - so much so, in fact, that she made him put off telling her how he felt when he first tried, “just in case” it wasn’t him. When he had finally confessed and her soulmark didn’t appear, she was heartbroken.

But then she’d moved on, and her college years were one disappointment after another. None of them had stung quite like Finn had, but they’d also all disappeared from her life in a way that Finn had not. Finn had his soulmark now, and she couldn’t even have it in her to be bitter about it. She was just happy to be in his life.

And then there was Ben.

She had met Ben in college through Poe, who she had met through Finn. Ben was… interesting. At first, all that she really knew about Ben was that he was Poe’s reluctant best friend, roped into it by virtue of Poe’s family’s relationship with Ben’s. He was quiet and generally kind of grumpy-looking, and for a while Rey was quietly fascinated by him while also keeping a respectful distance from him.

And not that she was actively looking for her soulmate in every man that she met, but she wasn’t too concerned about him being that they were opposites in enough ways that there was no possible way that he could be it. It just wouldn’t make sense, and she didn’t need his cloud of negativity to rain on her parade.

But over time, somehow she and Ben ended up growing closer. When Finn and Poe dragged out their respective friends for nights out, Rey would end up in a booth next to Ben, feeling tiny next to him with his height and broad shoulders; it wasn’t too bad, however, being that being around him kept most creepy guys from trying to approach her.

It turned out that Ben was clever, with a dry sense of humor that made it very fun to sit with him and listen to him make observations about the people around them. Finn would occasionally make teasing comments about her being “smitten” with him in spite of his outward attitude, but Rey always brushed it off. They were friends, and it was always nice to have a friend; she’d gotten the impression that Ben didn’t have enough of those.

It turned into the sort of friendship where they didn’t  _ need _ to have their other friends push them together. She wasn’t sure exactly how it had happened, but they’d started to text. Just little things at first, random texts at random times of the day.

_ I think I saw my future self at the Walmart. Chilling stuff _

_ I know olive garden isn’t actually a fancy place but there’s a man here clipping his nails _

_ A couple in the park just got their soulmarks and I don’t know, maybe things aren’t so bad in the world. _

_ a possum crossed my path as i was driving today!!! is that good luck? _

_ I’ve been spelling my own last name wrong on very important documents. It is four letters. Where did I go so wrong in my life? _

And then from there, it escalated.

Rey would need to go to the grocery store, and she would enlist Ben for company. She wasn’t short, but she still used the excuse of needing to have a big tall man to reach the high shelves for her (and if she watched the way the muscles in his arms flexed when she just  _ needed _ to see the Igloo cooler that was on top of the freezers, so be it), and he seemed happy enough to indulge her.

Ben would call her because there was a strange noise in his apartment, and when she arrived, she wouldn’t be able to hear the sound much less identify it or diagnose a problem. Instead, they just sat on his couch and drank a couple of beers as they watched a movie.

From that night, Rey had found out that Ben had never watched The Good Place, a crime which she informed him she had to punish him for in the harshest manner possible. That punishment, as it turned out, was forcing him to come over to her apartment and making him watch it with her. He would make her dinner as repayment for her hosting him, despite her reminders that these visits were a punishment for him, and it was so  _ pleasant _ .

Ben made friends with Rey’s dog, and so occasionally they would call each other up to go running together, and he would take the leash from her and laugh as he sprinted ahead, leaving her in his dust.

But in the middle of all of that, they still had group hangouts at various bars, and it was no longer awkward in the slightest when they were inevitably the only ones who would stay seated at their booth, no matter how  _ fire _ a song that came on was.

And somehow, Rey had gotten the impression during all of this that Ben could hold his alcohol.

Granted, he often volunteered to be the designated driver and when he didn’t he usually drank beers instead of hard liquor, but he drank enough and remained fully cognizant and articulate, though he also always made arrangements for himself to get home that did not involve him driving if he was drinking even at all.

Tonight was just the two of them, hanging out in Ben’s apartment. As her first impression, Rey hadn’t thought that there was anything about that night that was unusual at all.

And then Ben had pulled out a bottle of whisky, and at first, Rey wasn’t really fazed by that either. He did kind of seem like the type to enjoy it, after all. Sure, it was a Monday, but there was nothing wrong with a bit of responsible drinking, even if they did both have to work the next morning. He took a shot, and then another, informing her, “You can set your own pace, or not drink at all. And if my drinking starts to make you uncomfortable, let me know.”

So, he was absolutely planning on getting drunk, it seemed, but even in the midst of that, he was… He was being incredibly considerate, which was perfectly in line with everything that she had seen of him so far.

She took one shot, but something about this situation, about Ben’s demeanor, told her that she might want to stay a bit more sober than him, even if for no other reason than to take care of him if he needed it.

As it turned out, it seemed that that was exactly the right call to make.

After a few episodes of The Good Place spent in relative silence, during which he absolutely did not stop drinking, he turned to her, and informed her, “You know, I’m a fuck-up, and I feel like you should know that.”

Which, honestly speaking, was not at all what Rey was expecting to hear from him. “What do you mean?” she asked.

“I mean that you might not have seen this yet, but I’m… I’m a mess. I’m a disaster of a person,” he said. “And if you want to get yourself out of the path of my destruction, you’re okay to do that.”

Rey let out a long breath, the reality settling in over her that this was not about to be a normal, fun evening with Ben. But maybe things being less  _ fun _ was an inevitability, and it would be good to get down to it now - she liked forming bonds with people, and she supposed that there was no better way to get close with someone than to bare your soul to them. “That sounds a little dramatic,” she told him. “But I have no interest in abandoning you.”

Ben shook his head, leaning forward and pouring more of the amber liquid into his glass. He brought it up to his face, this time taking a sip of it rather than downing it all at once, which Rey saw as progress. “You say that now,” he said. “But you barely know me.”

She had to admit, that hurt a little more than it should have, especially knowing that he was drunk and probably didn’t really know what he was saying. But she did feel like she knew him, was the thing, even if maybe she didn’t know his history very well. “Then tell me,” she said. “I want to know about you, then.”

He turned to look at her more fully then, sitting sideways on the couch and looking at her and sizing her up. “It’s a long story, and I…” he stopped for a moment, sighing. “I’ll tell you the full version eventually. But I can give you the… Sparknotes.”

“Okay,” she said, nodding in encouragement and giving him a smile. “Shoot.”

“I was a shithead teenager,” he said. “You’ve heard Poe tease me about it, and it sounds like a joke, but… I really was awful.”

Rey started to say something in response, to argue that it couldn’t have been that bad, that Poe wouldn’t be friends with him like he was if he was so awful, but he shook his head and just kept talking.

“I had ‘ _ behavioral issues’ _ and so my parents sent me away,” he said. “I still don’t know whether that helped at all or if it made things worse. Like, what the fuck good was I if my parents couldn’t put up with me? But at least we weren’t fighting as much as we were before.”

“Where did you go?” she asked.

“That’s… My uncle. He took care of me, I guess,” he said with a shrug. He tipped the glass back and emptied it, looking at the empty glass as he swallowed. He leaned back against the couch, his head leaned back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling as he continued, “That whole thing is a long fucking story, so you’ll get that someday. But the point is… I didn’t get better.”

She knew that there were a lot of blanks that she was missing in this story - in fact, she was pretty sure there was more that she didn’t know than she did, but she knew better than to press him on that right now. He’d said he’d tell her eventually, and he seemed so tired even without having truly gone over the story. “You don’t seem so bad.”

He looked at her again, his forehead creasing as he considered her words. “I’m… better, now, I’m not the same person I was then, but I’m still not… good.”

“Ben,” she said, “I know you’re not a bad person. I don’t need to know what all you’ve done in the past to lead you to that conclusion, but you’re not a bad person. I know that.”

He brought a hand up to his face, rubbing over his skin and letting out a long breath. “You have a lot of faith in me.”

“I do,” she said, giving him a smile. “Because I’m pretty sure you deserve it.”

“You’re too trusting,” he said.

“Maybe.” She paused for a moment, thinking, before asking, “What made this come up today? Why are you thinking about this today?”

“My mom called,” he said, and left it at that, as if it explained everything.

But Rey was a little bit out of the loop, so she asked, “And what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing,” he said. “Nothing’s wrong with it, she’s my fucking  _ mom _ , you know? She’s gonna call. And then I’m gonna be an asshole to her, because that’s all I know how to do.”

At least that made sense. She still didn’t know everything, but she had a clear enough picture to get her through for now. “Do you regret what you said to her?”

“Of course I do,” he said, nodding.

“Then you can apologize to her - when you’re sober,” she added quickly, not sure how kindly Ben’s mother would take to receiving a call at this hour of night, even if it was to apologize for his behavior, “and I’m sure that she’ll forgive you.”

“It’s not that easy,” he protested.

“Well, no, maybe not, but it’s a start,” she said. “I’ll help you.”

Ben still looked less than convinced, but after a bit more back and forth, he seemed to agree that calling his mother the next day and apologizing would help. Together, they got out a paper and made an outline of a few specific things that he wanted to apologize for that he ‘might forget to say if I don’t write it down’.

After that was done, there was a marked improvement in Ben’s demeanor, and part of Rey wondered if she should be making note of this for her own future reference - some people seemed to have different levels of drunkenness, and maybe she was witnessing Ben cycling through his.

He got to his feet and announced, “We should go to the park.”

“We should… what?” she asked, furrowing her brows.

“The park,” he said, gesturing widely in the direction of his front door. “It’s not far, let’s go.”

Rey was not completely sure that was a good idea in the slightest, but if it was something that would make him happy, then maybe it wasn’t so bad. He was right that it wasn’t far, and he did seem to be doing pretty well at keeping himself upright. He was headed toward the front door, and he was moving in a relatively straight line. It was good enough. “Okay, then,” she said. “Let’s go.”

It took him a moment to get his jacket on for them to head out, but once they were on their way, he didn’t seem to have any further trouble. He was back to the same Ben that she was familiar with, if perhaps even a little bit more chipper than usual.

“I’ve been coveting this swingset,” he informed her as they approached the park’s playground, making her let out a surprised laugh.

“Coveting?” she echoed.

“Absolutely,” he said. “But there’s always kids on it.”

“Ah. And you’d look like some kind of creep if you just came over and started swinging,” she said.

He reached over towards her, extending his index finger to give her a tap on the nose. “On the nose.”

Laughing softly, Rey shook her head, walking over with him to the swingset and getting onto one on the seats.

He was a little bit uncoordinated as he settled himself onto the swing, but eventually he was moving forward and back as intended, looking over at her. “The good news is, it’s night now, so all the kids are in bed.”

“Indeed,” she said with a soft laugh. She pumped her legs to get herself swinging higher, turning after a moment to look back at him. “God, it’s been so long since I’ve even thought about going to a playground like this.”

“But it’s nice?” he said, his voice upticking at the end as if it were a question.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s nice,” she agreed. She wondered briefly what his childhood had been like. If he’d been happy as a kid, if the biggest problems in his life were things like when he’d get a turn on the swingset. She couldn’t imagine him having been very outgoing as a kid, given how much he kept to himself now, but she supposed that anything was possible.

“Good,” he said, a hum escaping him. He didn’t say anything for a moment, then said, “I bet I can go higher than you.”

“I bet you can’t,” Rey responded, laughing softly.

They both started to put more effort into their swings, but as Rey looked over her shoulder at him, she could see that he was not, in fact, doing very well at the task at hand. Be it a matter of coordination from the alcohol or being out of practice, he was absolutely losing, and had somehow managed to lose one of his shoes in the process.

Eventually she told him as much, and he came to a stop, his feet dragging against the mulch beneath him. He stared ahead of him before announcing, “That was actually a… bad idea, I think.”

Frowning, Rey slowed herself down as well, watching him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m dizzy,” he informed her, pushing himself up to his feet and starting to walk in the opposite direction.

“Where are you going?” she asked, getting up and following after him. “Are you nauseous?”

“A little,” he said with a nod, dropping himself down onto the ground as he reached the grass. “I promise I’m not going to vomit, I’m not gonna make you deal with that.”

“I appreciate it, Ben, but if you feel like you need to vomit, then I’d rather you do that,” she said.

Ben made a sound that she assumed was in acknowledgement of her words, flopping back against the grass so that he was laying staring up at the sky.

“Okay, hey, hey, big guy,” she started as she kneeled down beside him, leaning over and pulling on his shoulders to move him onto his side. “Not on your back.”

“I’m fine,” he assured her. “I was looking at the stars, to see if they’re still spinning.”

“Well, we can look at the stars later, okay? Once everything stops spinning,” he said.

“Mm… alright,” he mumbled, and his eyes started to drift closed a moment later.

Rey watched him for a moment, wondering if he had fallen asleep, and if he  _ had _ , what her next move would be. At least he wasn’t getting sick, that was a plus, but it was still ridiculously late at night - no, it was absolutely Tuesday  _ morning _ by this point - and there wasn’t anyone who would be up at this hour to come get them. And she absolutely couldn’t leave him on his own like this, nor could she drag him somewhere on her own: she was strong, but not that strong.

And then Ben started talking, alerting her to the fact that he was not, in fact, asleep. “Rey, why is my foot cold?”

Glancing down to his foot, she could see where he was wiggling the one that had lost its shoe earlier. “Because you don’t have a shoe on.”

“Why don’t I…” he started and then trailed off, moving his foot to use his toes to push the shoe off of the other foot. “There we are.”

“Didn’t you say your foot was cold? Wouldn’t you be happier putting on your other shoe?”

“It’s gone,” he said.

“Your shoe?” she asked. “It’s… It’s not gone. I can find it for you.”

He opened his eyes again, looking up at her with surprise clear in his features. “You’d do that for me?”

It took everything Rey had not to laugh at the complete and utter sincerity in his voice. “Yeah. Yeah, Ben, I’d do that for you,” she said, pushing herself back to her feet. “Yell if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay,” he agreed and then nodded, his eyes closing again.

It took her a couple minutes to figure out where he had managed to fling his shoe to in his attempts to get himself higher on the swing, but eventually she managed, carrying his shoe back to where he was laying. “Are you awake?” she asked.

“I am,” he said, nodding.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah,” he affirmed, blinking his eyes open for a moment to look up at her. “Told you I wouldn’t throw up.”

“Yeah, well, the night is still young,” she said, though a quick check of her cell phone clock told her it absolutely was not. She’d just call out tomorrow -  _ today _ .

“Don’t curse me,” he said. “And… don’t be so… far away.” He reached a hand up to grab her arm and lightly tug on it, pulling her down to lay down beside him.

She went willingly, taking in a soft breath as she realized just how close they were now. She wasn’t sure that she had ever been this close to him, so able to pick out every fine detail of his face. She forced herself not to stare, even as his eyes closed again. His hand lingered there on her arm, and it felt so very warm, and her face felt like it was bound to catch on fire. But it was still just so… nice, having his gentle touch.

After a little bit longer, he said quietly, “I think I want to go home now.” His voice was so small, and he reminded her something of a little kid.

“Yeah? Okay. That’s probably a good idea,” she said. She started to sit up, watching him do the same.

“Okay,” he echoed, reaching for one of his shoes to return it to his foot. He struggled with it for a moment, his foot seemingly not fitting into it, before Rey paid closer attention to it and reached out to lay a hand over his.

“Oh, hey, that’s not going to work out for you,” she said. “Other foot, Ben.”

Ben just stared down at the shoe in his hand for a moment, then looked back up at her. “Oh…. You take such good care of me,” he told her. “I love you so much.”

For just a second, she didn’t notice anything different, and she was just laughing off his words with a fond roll of her eyes, and then… She realized that her arm was tingling. She reached for the sleeve of her sweater, assuming for a moment that it was just a matter of maybe a bug had climbed up her sleeve.

She glanced down at her arm, feeling like a shock of electricity had been shot through her.

_ You take such good care of me, I love you so much. _

The words were written in handwriting that was a little bit wobbly, and she wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.

Ben Solo.

Of all people, Ben Solo was her soulmate, and she just had to find out because he had drunkenly professed his love for her, in the middle of the night. Her life was truly some kind of joke.

And yet, at the same time… She couldn’t exactly be upset about it. Ben was a sweetheart, and finally, finally, she had her soulmate.

But all of that was for later. A quick look at Ben told her that he was back to wrestling with his shoes and had no idea of what had just happened. All for the best, really - she couldn’t handle having this discussion with him while he was still drunk.

So she helped him with his shoes and then helped him to his feet. When he didn’t let go of her hand as they started to walk down the sidewalk toward his apartment, she didn’t pull it away. She could get used to the feeling of their hands interlaced.

When they arrived back at his apartment, she helped him back to his bedroom, pulling out sleeping clothes for him (“What do you usually wear to sleep?” she’d asked him, and he’d just kind of laughed and shrugged, which was answer enough for now) and then helping him into bed once he’d gotten changed.

Once he was settled into bed, she lingered for a moment in the doorway.

“I’m going to stay here tonight, okay, Ben?” she asked softly. “So you can let me know if you need anything.”

“Okay,” he said, nodding as he looked out at her. “You’re the best.”

“Goodnight, Ben,” she said, a little smile on her lips.

“Night, Rey.”

Rey padded out into the living room, collapsing down onto the couch, not caring that she was still in the same clothes she’d been wearing all day, just grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch and pulling it over herself. It took a while for sleep to claim her, too wrapped up in her thoughts of Ben and what all this would mean - did he mean it when he said that he loved her? Was it romantic? - but eventually exhaustion won over; her soulmate was an issue for another day.


	2. then laugh, leaning back in my arms

When Ben woke up, he had a headache. And as much as he knew that he ought not to be surprised by it, that didn’t help things any.

He had a fuzzy recollection of the night before, and the things that he had done and said, but he had no doubt that his memory was much more flattering than reality. He knew well enough by now that he could be a bit of a mess when he was drunk, which was a terrible reality that he wished he did not have to face.

He vaguely recalled that Rey was still in his apartment, in the living room, unless of course he had slept in far too much and she’d left in the meantime. That was another thing he was painfully aware of - he had been far less sober than Rey had been, and she would remember the night with much more clarity, every bit of embarrassing behavior that he had exhibited.

But, on the plus side, he hadn’t vomited, neither in front of her nor at home afterward. It was not an insignificant victory.

He wasn’t sure how exactly he was going to face Rey after this, but he would manage. Maybe he hadn’t made  _ too  _ much of a fool of himself.

The thing was this - he liked Rey. It had taken him a while to settle on that as the answer to his feelings, after a certain amount of worrying over it and prodding from Poe. He had never been particularly interested in having romantic relationships before. Most people seemed to like him less the more time they spent with him, and that was a lot of stress that he didn’t have to put himself and anyone else through.

Poe, of course, had not been fully satisfied with that, and the man was, however, entirely too keen on meddling. He had never outright stated that he was trying to push the two of them together, and it was possible, to be fair, that the man might not have had that intention at the beginning at all; all he’d said was that Rey was a friend of Finn’s that he thought he might get along with, and there was nothing inherently devious about that. He couldn’t blame him for wanting to make Ben make more friends, as much as he wanted to resent it.

And then he had met Rey, and…

He didn’t give half a damn about soulmates and that whole business, he really didn’t. He knew perfectly well that being soulmates did not automatically grant you a harmonious existence and a perfect happily ever after. That was the same with any relationship, he knew, but it was still nothing that he had ever really  _ wanted _ to pursue for himself. If it happened, it would happen, but he was just as content to never know who his soulmate was, and probably die alone with a couple of cats who would be more than enough company for him.

But then he had met Rey, and for the first time, even if it was only for just a moment, a part of his mind lit up and thought, _what if?_

The odds were abysmal. A lot of people never met their soulmates at all, and how could he, someone who had never confessed his love to anyone, manage to get a sort of hole in one - finding his match the first time he’d ever found himself genuinely interested in someone. Not that he was planning on ever letting her know how he felt; no, he would keep that feeling on lockdown for as long as he had to, never to see the light of day.

( _ “You never hit a home run if you don’t swing, kid,” _ his father had told him once, but he’d never been much for sports or sports metaphors.)

Rey was a wonderful person, ultimately, and the bright, positive energy that she carried around with her seemed to fill every room she walked into. Her perfect match would surely be someone who would match her - though he also was pretty sure that it would be impossible for someone to outshine her - and he wasn’t sure that anyone would describe him as being a positive person.

But he was okay with it, generally speaking, and if he could just keep Rey in his life in whatever form that took, that was more than enough for him.

He laid in his bed for a while, staring at the wall in front of him and trying to decide whether or not he had the guts to actually get out of bed and see if Rey was still there and, perhaps, actually talk to her. But talking to Rey would involve facing his behavior the night before, and the _reason_ he had decided to drink too much the night before; it wasn’t as though he had any delusions that she had a vision of him as some kind of perfect man before, and if she did he probably would have liked to dispel that notion regardless, but it still wasn’t a scenario that he was very much looking forward to facing.

But eventually he could hear her moving around in the living room, and he knew that he needed to get up. She was probably going to wait until she saw him before she left, because that was just exactly the kind of caring, thoughtful person that she was.

So he rose from his bed and went into the bathroom, grateful that it was an en suite and he wouldn’t have to alert Rey that he was up just yet. He splashed some water on his face - as well as taking a couple of drinks of room temperature tap water because necessities were necessities - and tried to brush his hair into something at least somewhat resembling neat, before returning to his bedroom and getting dressed. He was about halfway presentable, which was really as he could have been hoping for at this point.

When he stepped out into the living area, Rey was standing leaned up against the arm of the couch, shoulders slouched forward as she looked down at something on her phone.

“Hey,” he said, making her jump at his unexpected presence. Wincing, he said, “Sorry. Thought you might’ve heard me coming.” He wasn’t exactly light on his feet, after all.

“Oh. No, no, you’re good,” she said. “I was just… it sucks you in, you know?” She gestured to her phone in her hand with the other hand, shrugging.

“Yeah… Yeah, I hear you,” he said with a nod.

Rey stuck her phone in her pocket, looking back at him and flashing him a sympathetic smile as she asked, “So… Hangover?”

“A bit,” he affirmed, knowing that there was no use in pretending otherwise.

“I was going to make you breakfast,” she told him, brushing past him to step into the kitchen. “But it turns out your fridge is pretty… bare?” She tilted her head to the side just a fraction as she seemed to be trying to determine if that was an alright choice of words, and god, she was  _ adorable _ .

“I don’t like to waste food, so I mostly only buy exactly what I know I need,” he explained.

“Ah, I see, I see. Eco-warrior Ben Solo,” she said brightly. “But, I did locate your ibuprofen, and I tossed a Gatorade in the fridge for you earlier. And I figure we can go get some breakfast.” She opened the fridge and pulled out the aforementioned bottle, offering it out to him. Her sleeve slipped up her arm a few centimeters, and she pulled it back up hastily; the move struck him as slightly awkward, but he didn’t comment on it.

Ben nodded his agreement with her words, thanking her as he opened the bottle and immediately proceeded to down half of it in a continuous gulp. “A nasty, greasy diner breakfast sounds ideal right now,” he said.

“Perfect,” she said. “I could slam some pancakes right now.”

“Slam? How - Okay. How many pancakes?”

“Many,” she said.

Knowing how Rey seemed to have a bottomless stomach at times, he knew better than to question her, though half an hour later found them sitting across from each other at the nearest diner, where Rey was ordering  _ far too many _ pancakes for herself.

“There’s no way you can eat that,” he told her when the waitress walked away, “Not with the sides you’ve got coming, too.”

“Are you challenging me, Solo?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“No,” he said. “Make no mistake, I am absolutely not challenging you. I don’t want you to die.”

“Death by pancakes, though, what a way to go,” Rey said, a faraway look in her eyes for a moment.

Despite himself, Ben couldn’t help but to laugh, rolling his eyes at her. “Don’t even think about it. I think a lot of people would prefer you stick around for a while,” he said. Then, before he could think any better of it, “Myself included.”

The humor on her face dropped and she looked struck for a moment, but then immediately the laughter returned to her features. It wasn’t the first time he had noticed something a bit off in her demeanor, but if she wasn’t going to bring it up, neither was he. “Don’t worry, I think I’d have to come up with something way better than that to actually commit to orchestrating a humorous death.”

“Oh, good,” he said, a soft chuckle escaping him. Whatever there was that was going on in Rey’s mind, she still had her humor about her, and that was the important thing.

Everything was normal, for the most part, until it wasn’t.

Rey was about two-thirds of the way through her pancake feast and it was clear that she was starting to wind down, but Rey was also nothing if not committed, and he knew that she wasn’t likely to admit defeat, especially with him as an audience.

“You’re going to make yourself sick,” he told her. “You’re going to make  _ me _ sick.”

“Not gonna happen,” she said. She started to roll up her sleeves (to indicate how serious she was about this challenge, obviously) when she froze, looking at him for a moment. She let out a heavy sigh, shaking her head to herself before shifting in her seat, saying, “Okay, this is dumb. I need to just…”

He frowned when she trailed off, waiting for a moment for her to finish the thought. “You need to just…?” he prompted.

“I should just tell you. There’s no use in hiding it,” she said, pulling her sweater off entirely and setting it down beside her on the bench she was sitting on. When she laid her arm out on the table for him to look, there was black writing there, clear and well-defined against her skin.

For a moment, it made his heart clench in his chest. It had finally happened, she had found her soulmate and any chance he had had disappeared; it was inevitable in a way, really, but that didn’t make it any better.

But then he took a better look at it, and that was… It was his handwriting. The lines weren’t as neat as his handwriting usually was - he took pride in it - as if he had been writing and having a hard time getting a grip on the pen. But undeniably, that was his handwriting. And the words…

_ You take such good care of me, I love you so much. _

The overly affectionate words of a drunk man. He didn’t exactly remember saying them, but once he got to thinking about it, he remembered the general situation - he had lost his shoe, and she’d found it. Then he had tried to put them on the wrong feet, and when she’d corrected him on it, he’d… Well, it was his memory that he had been pretty smooth about the whole thing, just telling her how much he appreciated her, but he was now getting the distinct feeling that that was not correct.

But he couldn’t focus on the embarrassing fact of his behavior, because there was a ringing in his ears and a dizziness that had absolutely nothing to do with the alcohol he had drank the night before. He was Rey’s soulmate. Rey was his soulmate. He was going to cry.

For half a second, he reached out to touch the letters, almost not believing that they were real, before he pulled his hand back. Boundaries.

“Oh,” he said once he realized he’d been sitting there staring at her soulmark for probably far too long to be acceptable.

“Yeah,” Rey said, and when he looked up from the mark on her arm to her face, what he saw there made his heart ache. She looked… he couldn’t quite identify the look on her face, but she was definitely nervous. Maybe a little scared.

He wanted more than anything to tell her something that would make her feel better (which might be a difficult task given that he couldn’t exactly piece together what she was feeling and why), something to bring her smile back. “We’re… You and I…?” he said instead, feeling incredibly eloquent.

“We are,” she said. “Soulmates.” She pulled her arm back, tucking it against herself, and he immediately missed it. He was sure that he could stare at her mark for hours and never get tired of it.

“And… how do you feel about that?” he asked. He wasn’t sure that he was ready for the answer, but he needed to have it. He couldn’t react until he knew what she was feeling.

“I’m… I’m not sure yet,” she admitted. She didn’t say anything for a moment before continuing, “I’ve been waiting my entire life to meet my soulmate, and it turns out you’ve been here just… all this time.”

“You don’t strike me as the type,” he said. “To be that excited for your soulmate.”

“Looks can be deceiving,” she said with a quiet chuckle. She looked down for a moment, her thumb rubbing over her opposite arm. “So… It’s nice, at least, to know that you’re… here.”

“I’m here,” he said, nodding. He still wasn’t sure whether he was at all what Rey was expecting or hoping for in a soulmate, but at least he had that. “And as long as you want me around, you’re always going to have me around.”

Rey smiled at that, looking down for a moment. “I know, Ben,” she said. “And I’m grateful.”

There was a silence between them that wasn’t quite comfortable or uncomfortable, and eventually he said, “This doesn’t have to change things between us, not necessarily, if you don’t want it to.”

“I think it might change everything,” she admitted. “But… Time will tell.”

“Time will tell,” he echoed, already knowing that what she’d just said would haunt him, but still too afraid to ask her what she meant by it.

* * *

Things didn’t change immediately, not in significant ways.

Their friends learned that they were soulmates, both of them agreeing that it would be difficult and pointless to try and keep it from them. They’d started out the whole thing almost like a business meeting, but then Poe had decided that the occasion called for champagne (“Sparkling wine, it wasn’t made in Champagne, France,” Ben had corrected, mostly to annoy him), and things had devolved from there. It was… nice.

But for the most part, things remained the same as they ever did.

They would hang out, and the same distance between them would remain between them on the couch. They would text each other at random times over random things. It was all comfortable, and he was content with that.

Until he was on his couch one night and his phone buzzed, and a quick look told him that it was a message from Rey, and then another a moment later.

** _11:47pm: _ ** _ in an ideal world for you, where do you see this ending up? _

** _11:48pm: _ ** _ us, I mean. the soulmate thing _

Which, frankly speaking, was not a question that he was fully prepared to answer.

** _11:56pm: _ ** _ I’m happy with anything, Rey. _

** _11:58pm: _ ** _ not what I asked, Solo _

** _12:00pm: _ ** _ That doesn’t make it any less true. _

** _12:03am: _ ** _ you’re the worst. Just answer the question, okay? don’t worry about what you think i want or what i want to hear - what is the happily ever after in the story of us for you? _

And to be completely honest, that text was a lot for Ben to think about. It was kind of amazing to think about there even being a “story of us”, much less one that had something that could be called a happily ever after. Just having her say that was probably as much as he ever could have asked for.

But Rey wanted an answer, and he couldn’t leave her hanging.

** _12:11am: _ ** _ I want to be with you. _

** _12:11am: _ ** _ romantically? _

** _12:13am: _ ** _ Romantically. _

** _12:14am: _ ** _ like dates and everything? _

** _12:19am: _ ** _ Yes. But I know that you might not feel the same, so it’s completely okay if that isn’t what you want. I’m a grown man, and I can handle it. _

** _12:31am: _ ** _ it’s after your bedtime, isn’t it? sorry, go get some sleep, ben. _

That answer wasn’t exactly conclusive one way or another, and he was a little bit frustrated with it, but he reminded himself that it was, at least, progress in some form. They’d talked about it, a little bit. One small hurdle.

He stayed up for a while after that, hoping that Rey might message him again, but she didn’t, and eventually he had to call it quits and give in to sleep himself.

* * *

The next time they hung out, Ben wanted desperately to bring up the conversation they had just had, but he wasn’t sure he would be able to handle it, no matter the outcome, so he was willing to let it be.

But then at the end of the night when Ben had driven her back to her own apartment - she always insisted that she could make it there just fine on her own no matter how late it was, but it didn’t feel right to him to just let her go without making sure that she got there alright - she lingered in the passenger seat for just a bit too long.

“Everything alright?” he asked her, looking at her with a small frown.

“Oh,” she said, looking back at him and shaking her head slightly. “I just…” She trailed off and instead leaned forward, moving into his space so that she could give him a kiss to his cheek.

Ben wasn’t ordinarily one to look a gift horse in the mouth, and yet… “What was that for?”

Chuckling softly, she said, “For a good first date.”

“First - What? That was a date?” he asked her, a little bit incredulous.

“Yeah, I think it was,” she affirmed. “I mean, you said that you wanted us to date, right?”

In all of the time that he had ever spent thinking about Rey and imagining what having a relationship with her might look like, Ben had never considered the possibility that their first date would have been so very  _ casual _ , spent sitting together on his couch and watching some poorly-written teen drama on Netflix. “Are you sure? I mean, we can - it should’ve been more -”

“Ben,” she cut in before he could go any further, and he found himself falling quiet despite the fact that he very much would have liked to go on, to remind her that just because he wanted to date her didn’t mean she had to date him. “I don’t care what it maybe should have been like. I wanted to take the pressure off, because I know you, and I knew you were going to get all up in your head about it, and I just wanted to enjoy being around you without worrying about the… I don’t know. How big it all is.”

Ben had to remain silent for a moment as he let her words roll around in his head. He had to admit, she did have a point - if he had been aware that what was happening would be considered their first date, he would have been far too keyed up to actually enjoy himself at all. “Okay,” he said eventually. “But our next date…”

“It can be as extravagant or well-planned or whatever as you could possibly want,” she assured him, and he couldn’t help but smile.

Rey reached out to lay her hand on top of his, giving it a gentle squeeze before letting go and moving back so that she could reach for the door handle, still smiling at him warmly. “Goodnight, Ben,” she said. “I’ll see you soon.”

* * *

Things progressed from there in a gentle sort of way.

Dating felt like a strangely underwhelming thing in comparison to the knowledge that they were soulmates, like “girlfriend” wasn’t an appropriate title for Rey, not compared to everything she was beyond being his soulmate. But most of the time they didn’t really bother to put a name to it - he was just happy to be an important part of her life.

They stuck to their usual routines for the most part for a while, hanging out alone together or with their friends, sometimes doing things that were more date-like than others. It was familiar and comfortable but the dynamic had shifted enough that Ben felt incredibly fulfilled by it. And then Rey would start spending nights in his apartment, and his closet grew a little bit more crowded with the addition of some of her clothing, and at times he almost had no idea how he could be so lucky.

Poe prodded a little bit from time to time, as he tended to do, asking about if there had been any progress in their relationship and more importantly whether or not Ben had gotten his mark yet. He knew that it wasn’t unreasonable to think he might be getting impatient for it, and certainly some people would be if they were in his shoes, but he was willing to wait. He knew that he and Rey were meant for each other, and that was the important thing, after all, wasn’t it?

But then, finally, on a Sunday morning, the tides turned for him.

“Get up,” he could hear her saying as she sat up in bed, leaned over him.

“I don’t feel like it,” he mumbled as he rolled over so that his back was to her, grabbing a pillow to hold over his head and then flinging an arm on top of that to hold it down.

Rey laughed, but moved closer so that her knees were pressed into his back, kneeling and leaning over him. “You’ll sleep the whole day away.”

“That is the plan, yes,” he told her, his voice a little bit muffled by the pillow. There were only so many days where they were both able to sleep in, and he wasn’t going to waste

“Ben,” she groaned, and a moment later he felt her tugging at the pillow to get it away from his face.

“Rey,” he said back to her, letting his voice mirror her own exasperation.

“You’re unbearable,” she informed him, moving so that she was draped over him; as much as she liked to get after him for being dramatic at times, she could absolutely be every bit as bad about it as he was. But he certainly wasn’t going to complain about having her this close to him.

Eventually he rolled over and pulled her along with him, letting the pillow fall to the side and looking up at her with a small smile. “Maybe so, but you put up with me pretty well,” he said.

Rolling her eyes, Rey leaned down to press a kiss to his lips. “For some reason,” she said. “God knows why.”

“It might be because I’m pretty,” he suggested, batting his lashes at her.

A surprised laugh escaped her then, and she shook her head. “I can’t believe I love you, you terrible oaf.”

Time seemed to slow down for a moment as Ben realized what she had said, and then there was that tickle on his arm, almost that of a marker being moved over his skin. When he looked down, there it was: _I can’t believe I love you, you terrible oaf._

Rey’s gaze snapped down to his arm as well, her eyes going wide with realization. “Oh, shit,” she let out, her hand moving to let her fingers brush over his skin, rubbing over it with a little bit of pressure as if to test if it would smear. “That’s not how that was supposed to go.”

“No?” he asked her, raising an eyebrow.

“I had a plan,” she told him, hands still gripping his forearm. There was a deep frown set on her lips, and he could tell that it was distressing her to realize that this was how she had finally told him how she felt. “Not much of one, but a plan.”

“How was it supposed to go?”

“I was going to buy a cake, so that we’d have cake to celebrate us both having our marks,” she said. “And I had so many lines that I was trying to choose between - I just wanted to find the right one, you know? It’s going to be on your skin  _ forever _ .”

“Just like how my dumb, drunken confession is on your body forever?” he asked, a little laugh escaping him.

“Exactly. But that was endearing. It’s funny and cute. But instead, what do you get? You get me insulting you, forever,” she said, index finger tapping over the word ‘oaf’.

“Well, to be fair, I don’t think that flowery words would’ve really suited us and our relationship,” he pointed out.

“But I could have at least said something less rude,” she pointed out.

Ben shook his head, removing his arm from her hands and clasping them in his own. “Sweetheart,” he said, giving her hands a squeeze. “I don’t care.”

“But - “

“I promise you, I’m just overjoyed to have my mark,” he said, glancing down at the messy, thin letters on his arm again. “And this is a much better story to share than some line you rehearsed.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive,” he said. “I - Okay, I mean, I would have been very happy to get my mark, no matter the circumstances, but my preference was always going to be to get it, to hear those words from you, because in that moment you were truly feeling it. I didn’t need to be told you loved me to know you do.”

Little by little, Rey was looking more reassured and more like herself. She was even willing to tease him a bit, it seemed, asking him with a smirk, “Is that so?”

“Absolutely,” he said. “You’re a little transparent. So, yeah. I was happy to wait as long as it took.”

“And was it worth the wait?” she asked.

Ben chuckled to himself, shaking his head. “Absolutely. Beyond a shadow of a doubt.”

Shifting, Rey laid herself down against him, nuzzling her head into the curve where his neck met his shoulder. “You’re weird, Solo,” she mumbled.

“You’re not any less weird,” he said.

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her in close to him, just soaking up the moment. It was true, genuinely - he was pleased to have a genuine moment permanently reflected on his arm. It was a little bit off the norm, a little bit embarrassing, but a perfect match to his own words on her skin.

Plus, of course, it had been just the distraction he needed to win Rey over into not getting out of bed. Everything was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took five hundred years to write, oops.  
i might return to this au at some point, because they're so soft and sweet and i love them and there's a lot of gaps in this that could be filled with little one-shots.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I've been drunk a total of three times in my life, but the most distinct thing in my mind from one of those nights was how at the drop of a hat I went from feeling on top of the world to being super nauseated and SO SO SAD, sobbing on my sister's kitchen floor. So that's Ben
> 
> Come say hi on twitter @becksolo and yell at me to write part two faster


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